lostlittlefirefly's Blog

Why, tell me, why - no, seriously, tell me.... oh, who am i kidding you don't know your doing, you don't recognise the hurt, the pain, the confusion, the ATMOSHPHERE that surrounds you....us, our family...... and its never going to change... i know that, i accept that, its too late to make any changes, for you, for us, for any of it..... but it still frustrates, annoys and down-right angers me.......

I know i shouldn't let it get to me, i know i should just let it all go..... and for the most part i can, i do..... but still, god, you are just sooooo.......

at your age, everyone, EVERYONE comments on how marvellous you are, how fiesty, how admirable - and you know what - you are.... you are a remarkable woman, you've lived your life - and what a life.... scandel, intrigue, duplicity, manipulation - selfishness and bitternes...these are the sad legacies that I will remember.....

yet on the outside you are a sweet, innocent, simpering little ol' lady.....but noone is ever good enough, does enough, nice enough - everything you say comes with a caveat of 'their really nice but.....', 'they did this for me but......'   ; the times growing up when we'd have to wait and see if you got a better offer before coming and visiting your family - and that's fine..... as an adult i can understand that, i can appreciate that - but since we are your only family its hard to understand - harder still when your a child and you want to spend time with you.....

its strange - people say oh don't be silly - can't be that bad.... but its the small things that build up, you know, the way you try to control.... where are you going, what time you going to be back, what are we having for tea, who was that, what are you doing....... and then the childish behaviour of things having to be done 'now' and i know folk will say - oh well its her age, people get cranky as they get older, but you've always been this way - controlling.....

I know its never gonna be any different, and i've accepted that - i have but still it frustrates and hurts and annoys.... but i'll live..... i always do......

My friend emailed me this and I just thought I'd share....... It just shows why we should all stop and experience life, rather than rushing through it.....

THE SITUATION

In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, a man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About 4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.


At 6 minutes:


A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.


At 10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.


At 45 minutes:


The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

After 1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.


No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.


This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:

*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?

*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?


One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . ..

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?



Enjoy life NOW ..
it has an expiry date !

 

Sidera shared this in 'I like a good quote' and having read it think its is definitely a motto to try and live by - not sure i'll manage but its worht aspiring to......


No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." --Eleanor Roosevelt

feeling regretful and contemplative today - but hey.... you can only learn from experience can't you, the good and the bad.... it just seems that the bad gets more extreme reactions!!

'I've been thinking about what brought me to this site - i honestly can' say - i was exploring who I am, i suppose, and in doing so, found this site.... stopped, looked around and liked what i saw....

Probably like many of you i like the anonymity, the chance to be who i am realising i am, warts and all, and its nice to realise that the feelings I've been hiding from myself are shared by sooo many, that even if i remain anonymous, i feel connected too.....

the chance to vent, to make friends / connections / to see other peoples lifestyles - perhaps i have voyeuristic tendencies (but then who amongst us, if honest, doesn't!!) or maybe its just plain old fashioned nosiness.... to realise that my problems, whilst great in my life, may not necessarily compare to someone else's..... the chance to acknowledge what I want for once - that I want to be loved, to be held, to be important in someones life, be be significant..... when sometimes the opposite is true.......

so that's why i'm here in a nutshell..... to just be, to experience and tell my story, confess my thoughts, share my musings - to grow, explore, challenge others and most importantly myself, and to become........better i suppose for want of a word to use.... or perhaps not better, just more open, honest and accepting, sometimes of others but especially and more importantly, myself........